She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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