woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
