i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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