you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
