omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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