Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
