i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
