Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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