finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
