I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
