apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
