drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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