take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
