Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Houston, we have a blender
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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