I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
