I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
