so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
