I looked at my own cervix.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
