So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
