I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
