I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
