I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
