I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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