She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
