Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
