I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
