Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
