Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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