Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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