Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
