is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
