In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
