I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
