He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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