oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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