If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
