Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
