You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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