he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
