I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
