Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
