I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
