youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
