omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize