isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
