I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
