Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
