A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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