I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
