Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
