Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
