I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
