i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Boobs speak an international language.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
