i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
