Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
MIDGETS
????
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
