My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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