I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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