We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
