when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
