Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
