How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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