Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
