watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
